If a person hasn’t received "in the womb" ministry, I highly recommend it! It only makes sense to go back to the root of our beginnings. It was here that I finally received my breakthrough.
Deliverance was not new to me. I cut my newly saved teeth on it, back in the days of screaming, shouting, buckets and tissues nearby. Each time I was set free from some bondage. Yet, something lingered that seemed to make me feel suffocated with a deep sadness.
I grew up with the usual infractions. My dancing feet were made lame by mockery. My voice of praise quieted by humiliation. My creative writing immobilized by the verbal rhetoric of "What makes you think you have anything to say." Even when vows were repented, curses broken, spirits released, there was something undercurrent which made me feel like Lazarus wrapped in grave clothes and locked in a tomb. Oh, I’d have my moments of anointing where the Holy Spirit would graciously use me and I’d be God’s hand extended. However, most of the time I wanted to hibernate, isolate, and retreat from intrusions in my life.
Throughout the years, I could actually say decades if I wanted to be revealing, I received numerous prophetic words that God was going to return to me joy, great joy, bubbling, overflowing, cannot contain joy. Unfortunately, my joy wasn’t funny. When I tried to be funny people would ask me why I was mad. I was neither mad nor angry. Yet, there was a sharp edge to my voice tone. It was no wonder I wanted to isolate. Best protect the Body of Christ by staying away! Fellowship vs. isolation? Hmm???
I knew I had been born six weeks pre-mature, placed in an incubator and untouched by human hands, save the nuns who fed and cleaned me up. I was an isolated spectator who watched from behind a confined place. As an adult, I felt the same. I had been delivered of rejection and abandonment. Unfortunately, the sadness and the feelings of entombment were still there.
Finally, in December 2002 the root was discovered. Meeting with one of the Vision Life ministers, God revealed the issue through "womb investigation."
When my mother, Meta, was four years old, her mother, Leta, died at the age of twenty-four. Mother was raised by her grandmother Louisa. This means my mom has worn a shroud of grief since her mother, Leta, died. Mother’s grandmother Louisa died when she was carrying me. My emotional DNA was being doubly saturated in grief from the deaths of my grandmother Leta, and great grandmother Louisa. Ah ha, maybe generational curse!
Undoubtedly, my mother was overcome with grief. The pain and loss of her second mother began to encroach upon my safe place. I imagine I felt the competition of space. I wanted to stay in my protected environment but I was being forced out. My mother, drenched in grief was giving more and more room to her pain. Something had to give. Arriving six and half weeks early, I was thrust out of my comfort zone as a tiny, fragile, premature, not quite a handful little person. The joy of my coming did not penetrate the grief shroud.
There it was! I was birthed in grief. Thanks to this revelation, the grief shroud was removed and my soul was reborn again.
As my soul adjusted to its shroud-free state, I began to sense a difference. Much to my delight and everyone else’s pleasure, my funny side began revealing itself. My voice’s cutting edge was gone. The unidentified anger was silenced. My perspective on life has been enlivened. No longer do I fight defeat, the victim mentality or want to isolate. I feel victorious and want to reach out to people. My sense of humor has returned and I’m actually being mentored for standup comedy. My creative talents have been unleashed. I sing uninhibitedly, I dance unrestrained. I am actively searching for a literary agent for my recently finished 400+ page novel, For Such A Time, which is being turned into two screenplays and a stageplay.
Challenges are no longer opportunities for failure, but God’s open door for new beginnings. Now, my middle name that honors my grandmother, no longer represents loss. It now shines for its true meaning, renowned warrior! Stand back world, this warrior woman is beginning to arise!
If you want a completed picture of deliverance, then go back to your beginnings. Go back to the womb. It works! It really does!
